A Harmless Prank
by Purestrongpoem
Summary: Dazai plays a prank on Kunikida


Purestrongpoem: I don't own any Bungou Stray Dogs characters. Please enjoy.

A Harmless Prank

7:30am

Kunikida was in front of the office door, looking down at his watch. He was here on time and that was good. His schedule was starting out perfectly and hopefully it would continued to be like that. He didn't want his partner, Dazai to ruin it again. He opened the door and walked in. There was nobody in the office yet because he always came to work earlier than the other detectives to start on work. He walked over to his desk to put down his bag but something caught his eye. He glanced over to get a better look. Was that Dazai? He ran over to get a better look and he was right. It was Dazai lying unconscious on the floor. This must be some sort of joke to rile him and ruin his schedule. Just the thought of it already made Kunikida furious. Kunikida leaned in closer so he could wake him up but he noticed that Dazai wasn't breathing. Kunikida stop breathing for that moment. No, no… Wasting no time, Kunikida quickly checked Dazai's pulse and heartbeat but there was none. He froze, realizing that this wasn't some sort of prank from Dazai. Dazai was…he was dead. But how? There was no traces of blood or wounds so it couldn't be an attack. He doubted it was a suicide either considering how many times Dazai's suicidal attempts failed. Kunikida still couldn't believe what was happening. His partner was dead. Kunikida tried to remain composed as he shakily took out his phone to call Yasano. As soon as he did that, he felt a hand around his arm and looked back but only to see Dazai's body slowly moving. Immediately, Kunikida ripped his arm away from Dazai's grip and stared in horror. How?...

"Z…Zombie?!"

As if hearing what Kunikida said, the body launched himself forward and made a moaning sound. Kunikida shouted out in panic and punched zombie Dazai in the face. As soon as Kunikida's punched hit Dazai's face, he yelped and fell back completely unconscious again. Kunikida was already freaking out and confused as to what just happen. There was no way zombies exist just like there was no way ghosts exist either! There was no such things as zombies! There was no such things as zombies! Kunikida repeated that in his head a few times, trying to calm himself down but it did not help. Well, it was unconscious so this was the perfect time to call the other detectives inside to investigate. He was about to run out but in a panic, he tripped over a chair that he didn't notice was there. He fell forward as his legs tangled over some wires that were lying on the ground. Kunikida tried to stop his fall by putting his hand on the desk but there were some books lying on there and they slip, pushing Kunikida forward. His head hit the edge of desk very hard. He fell to the ground and lied there unconscious from the impact from his head.

A few minutes after, the door opened again and Ranpo came in with a lollipop in his mouth and a bag of chips in his hands. The first thing he saw was the unconscious Kunikida on the floor and then the unconscious Dazai. Most people would have panic and worry but Ranpo calmly glanced at Kunikida and then Dazai and shrugged. He walked over to his desk and continued sucking his lollipop. He had already deducted what happen. He should call Yasano to come but he was lazy. Besides, Atsushi was going to come in a minute now and Atsushi would be able to call Yasano. Just as Ranpo predicted, the door opened again and Atsushi screamed. Dazai…Kunikida…they are…they are…

"They are not dead."

Atsushi turned to see Ranpo sitting in his chair, relaxing and sucking on his lollipop. He was so busy panicking at what he saw that he only noticed Ranpo there now.

"Wha…"

"They are only unconscious. You should call Yasano to check on them."

Not fully understanding the situation, Atsushi nodded and ran off to find Yasano. A few minutes later, Atsushi came back with Yasano and also with the whole agency. Dazai and Kunikida was already starting to wake up and Yasano checked Kunikida first and then after Dazai. Kunikida now fully conscious and with only a bruise on his forehead grabbed Dazai by his collar and started shaking him roughly.

"You better explain to me what happen back there!"

Dazai merely smiled, "What is there to explain, Kunikida? You knew what happen. You punched me and gave me a black eye." Dazai pointed at his left eye that was now blackened. "Then, you ran and tripped..."

"I meant before that!"

"Oh! I was feeling bored and was thinking to myself what better way to annoy Kunikida. Then, I had an idea! Lets play dead and see how Kunikida would react!" Dazai started to laugh when he remembered Kunikida's reaction. "You should have heard yourself. You were so scared. You thought I was a zombie!"

How did Dazai stop his heartbeat to appear dead? Kunikida did not know but at the moment he did not care. He was too angry to care.

"You ruin my schedule again because you were bored?!"

He grabbed Dazai with both of his hands and started shaking him and shouting at him angrily. Everyone else was chuckling at the sight, relieved that it was just another prank and nothing serious. It was just one of those mornings for the Armed Detective Agency.

Purestrongpoem: This is like the worst story I wrote so far... probably because I got an idea and I was bored and I just vomit/fart the idea into the computer screen instead of actually writing it lol. It has been so long I wrote a story in fact, lol my story writing skills have gotten bad. I also got writer's block at the ending and well I didn't know what to write okay. Either way, I had this idea when I remember reading a translation of the Dead Apple guide that Dazai wanted to prank Kunikida by playing dead and also remembered a translation of the 55 minutes light novel, Dazai stopped his heart to play dead to scare poor Atsushi. So yeah just want to write that idea. Anyway, thank you for reading and please review.


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